So I feel like I am taking the first step towards becoming a blogger, I am stepping towards the discomfort, I am making a decision. Not someone who has ‘a blog’ (many people have blogs but never actually write in them, a fact I hate, but am running close towards being a hypocrite on this subject…), but an actual blogger, one might even say a writer… (scary thought).

Scary because I honour well crafted words, and I honour and stand in awe of those people that can direct them with passion and brilliance, as so many of these folks have changed my life.

** As an aside… Typing this is harder than journaling, but in honour of my decision – I am typing and I will be hitting the ‘Publish’ button… (also a scary thought).**

I’m pretty sure initially this concept will be an epic failure… but as Edison said along the way to discovering how to build a light bulb he also found 1000 ways how not to build a light bulb… so logically I know this will be the same journey (this doesn’t necessarily make it easier however… damn).

I have actually had the urge to write this down for a week or so, in my mind it seems to eventuate as somewhat of a warning to the reader and perhaps also an advanced apology for the high potential that I am going to put some mindless dribble out into the world! But somehow by giving you fair warning I am also giving my self the nod I need to plough forward. Gary V mentions this phenomenon. He feels that lots of people who contact him are just looking for his ‘permission’, they already know what to do and are capable… they just need someone else to say ‘Yes, go do it…’.

So I guess that is what I am granting myself. Permission to make a bloody huge mess and publish it on the world wide web…(why Sandra, o why…?). Permission to permanently embarrass myself and show all my flaws and all my weaknesses.

Oddly the difference I feel now, right in this moment v’s when I started to type these words is huge! A weight has been lifted… and I am excited, with a dash of nervousness and buoyant spirits…gwttD4O

So upon mulling this over I think this ‘permission’ thing is quite clearly key here. When I was going round and round on the tractor dragging the arena this morning (after I wrote that first bit) I was excited, happy and looking forward to this brave new world I am planning to enter. I honestly do believe I will write some hard core crap, in fact I think is this perhaps part of the point? Is it not ONLY by making errors that we figure out what doesn’t work and therefore by default the process of failure brings us closer to what does? The ones amongst us who ‘make it look easy’ are pretty often just the ones who have failed more times than any one else around… they can see and avoid the mistakes, only due to the fact that they have made them 1000 times already, they are well acquainted with them. This intimate association with failure leads these seeming ‘natural talents’ or ‘overnight successes’ to gracefully maneuver either through or around the pot holes, making it seem to the onlooker that there was nothing there in the first place…

So Brene Brown in ‘Rising Strong’ talks about writing yourself a permission slip…

So how do we reckon with emotion rather than off-load it?…Give yourself permission to feel emotion, get curious about it, pay attention to it, and practice. This work takes practice. Awkward, uncomfortable practice… I wrote my first permission slip on a post-it note the morning I met Oprah Winfrey for the first time… It said “Permission to be excited, have fun, and be goofy.”…

So what is my permission slip?

I am giving myself permission to make a huge mess, to embarrass myself, to fall time and time again, to regret what I wrote, to want to be better… I am giving myself permission to fail, with a big fat F… and I am also giving myself permission to hold a glimmer of hope, (one that does feel self-righteous and ego driven but logically I know that it is OK to want something to be successful) that out of those ashes of mess rises something that is at best beautiful and profound and at worst marginally useful…

gwttD4O

I read this yesterday – all I can think is ‘Auspicious Coincidence’…“The secret to bleeding what you write and doing it with absolute passion”).

Anyways, today has been an interesting day for me… this post hasn’t turned out anything like I imagined, but that is kinda nice really. Hope you find some value in it…

Namaste